On the Duck

We're now in lovely Jasper, getting ready for the Alberta Library Conference. The road from Edmonton to Jasper is very long and very straight, but put four of us in a car, high on too much coffee and last night's decadent chocolate desserts, and we can find all sorts of delightful ways to pass the time, take in the sights, and hum along to showtunes from South Pacific.

For instance, we hope to shortly post some pictures of what seems to be the world's largest aluminum baseball bat (at the corner of Edmonton's 97th St. and 118th Ave). And then there's Edson, Alberta - a small town about half way to Jasper. We usually stop to stretch our legs, grab a coffee and engage in what is now a yearly ritual. We recommend going into the Tim Horton's and (if female), making a pit stop at the women's washroom. When it comes time to dry your hands, you'll put them under the "Xcelerator", possibly the world's most powerful hand dryer! I swear, it makes the fleshy folds on the back of your hands suddenly morph into mountain ranges. L. - without missing a beat - calmly proclaims it the best blow job in the province.

[We should note for curious tourists, that the Xcelerator is only available in the women's washroom. Last year, when we were driving Canadian mystery writer Peter Robinson back to Edmonton, we sent him to investigate the hot air options available in the men's room and he came back empty (or is that wet?) handed. Yet we have utter confidence in his detection abilities and so the reasons behind the inequality of gendered drying time in Edson must remain a mystery.]

We've also invented a new driving game which may only seem funny if you are in the book business. But we've discovered that if you insert the word "duck" into almost any book title, it can effortlessly replace any noun and sometimes even improve the title. Here's how it works. You get one point if you can guess what the real title of the book is. Two points if the book actually has a duck in it. Three points if everyone in the car agrees the duck title is a much better title for the book. For example, if you want to play along...

The Curious Incident of the Duck in the Night-time

The Da Vinci Duck

Wuthering Ducks

Ducks in Paris

The 100-Duck Diet

Brave New Duck

The End of the Duck

Duck and Punishment

This game works particularly well for Canadian classics. Think of the possibilities! In the Skin of a Duck. The Edible Duck. Oryx & Duck. Who Has Seen the Duck? As For Me and My Duck. The Apprenticeship of Ducky Kravitz.

You get the idea. This game lasted for 20 kilometres until we realized it wouldn't work for the proliferation of books we sell that have one word titles. Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck. Duck. We got bored. Yes, we really are as corny as Kansas in August. We blame R., who has us in stitches everytime she talks about this book, that contains a demonic duck who can disembowel a man in thirty seconds.

(Is it any coincidence that our bedspreads in Jasper are covered with ducks? I feel a Dewey mascot coming on!)

(one of our favourite Dewey Diva children's books picks)